The Dynasty Warriors Christmas Party
by Sesshochan1
Summary: Cao Cao decides hold a Christmas party, Zhuge Liang must impress his wife with the perfect gift, Sun Ce cooks! It's weird, it's demented, it's full of holiday cheer! Read it or...or..don't... R


The Dynasty Warriors Christmas Party  
By: Sesshochan  
(You KNOW I don't own 'em, otherwise my name'd be Koei!) By the way, this story uses some of the relationships and characters from  
my other fic, the Tale of the Shi Dynasty, so don't be weirded out by  
something not normal!  
  
Cao Cao stood overlooking the frozen countryside on his balcony. It was the 23rd of December, only two days until Christmas! Cao Cao gazed down upon the snowy rooftops of the village below.  
  
"Oh, I shall spend Christmas alone this year, again. . ." Cao Cao sighed. By 'alone' he meant without beautiful women surrounding him. Even Zhen Ji had gone off and joined Shi, now he was completely out of the company of any girls besides her servants, and they were mostly plain. "When I think of a year where not only Zhen Ji were here, but Yue Ying, Sun Shang Xiang, Diao Chan, and of course the Qiao sisters, oh it makes me feel so happy! I must do something to get them all here, something . . ." He mused to himself. He stood in the morning winter air and ran his fingers down his beard, an action that he somehow always did without really wanting to. Then all at once, it came to him!  
  
Why not hold a Christmas party and invite all the girls? It was brilliant, genius! Who knows what could happen on a snowy night when all their husbands had "Mysteriously" disappear. Cao Cao chuckled to himself and smiled.  
  
"But they won't come unless they feel safe . . . I'll have to invite their husbands, friends and relations . . ." Cao Cao plotted. Suddenly he remembered his partner in crime, Guan Yu! "Ooh, he'll love this!" Cao Cao practically squealed. Cao Cao rushed inside and grabbed the phone and dialed up Guan Yu's number. ('There weren't phones in ancient China!' you say? Well, there are now! *manical luagh* ) A few seconds later Guan Yu picked up and Cao Cao greeted him. He hastily told him his entire plan, but afterwards Guan Yu sounded skeptical.  
  
"Cao Cao, you know I haven't done that sort of thing for many years now. We did that in our high school days!" Guan Yu protested.  
  
"But, Guan Yu, remember all the fun we used to have!? I'm still a grade A pervert, what about you!?" Cao Cao pleaded.  
  
"No, I'm not Cao Cao, but I don't disagree with the idea of a friendly get together for all of our kingdoms. It might cure this violent bond between us. But I do have one question, how are you going to get all this together by tomorrow? You can't do all this stuff in that little amount of time."  
  
"Well, I could make Da Qiao cook. She's so cute, all cute women can cook!" Cao Cao said excitedly. Guan Yu sighed.  
  
"Whatever you say Cao Cao. If you can manage it, I suppose I'll come." Guan Yu stated. After a quick goodbye, Cao Cao found a messenger.  
  
"You, messenger, write up some invitations and send them to all the girls. Oh, yeah, tell them they can bring a couple of other people too." Cao Cao said, pushing the messenger out the door. This was going to be his best plan yet. . .  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Dec. 24  
  
Zhuge Liang had finally done it! He had come up with the best strategy known to man. Sure, it cost him three or four sleepless nights, but it was foolproof! He picked up the map with the plans on it and exited through his and Yue Ying's bedroom door. She was sitting at the table talking placidly with Jiang Wei, and the both looked up when he rushed in.  
  
"I've done it, I've done it!!" Zhuge Liang happily chorused, waving around the sheet of paper.  
  
"What is it, Prime Minister?" Jiang Wei asked.  
  
"It's just the best strategy EVER MADE!" He said, laying it down on the table for them to see. "With these plans, anyone who uses it will be destined to win!" Jiang Wei poured onto it immediately, studying even the minor details, but Yue Ying gave an exasperated sigh.  
  
"Wh-what's wrong, my wife?" Zhuge Liang asked timidly, afraid he'd upset her or forgotten about something again.  
  
"Is that what you've been working yourself to death on all this time?" She asked in an odd motherly sort of voice.  
  
"Well, yes, but if you look here, you can see - " Zhuge Liang started, pointing to an area on his perfect strategy map, but Yue Ying interrupted.  
  
"I don't care! You're not even paying attention to us anymore!" She said, growing angrier. Zhuge Liang stepped over to her and gently put his hands on her shoulders.  
  
"I promise I won't do it again for a long, long time, and I'll spend hours and hours with you guys, ok?" Zhuge Liang reassured. Yue Ying gave a tired smile and looked as though she would forgive him easily this time, but Jiang Wei had to go and open his big mouth.  
  
"Prime Minister, there's a flaw here." He said. Zhuge Liang snapped back to his normal height.  
  
"A flaw? Impossible! Let me see this . . ." He said, rushing over to the map. He started scanning it with his eyes and diving into complicated conversation with Jiang Wei. Yue Ying let out a cry and threw her hands in the air.  
  
"That's it! I've had it!" She yelled, and stamped towards the door.  
  
"Yue Ying!" Zhuge Liang cried as he stood up trying to catch her. "Please don't leave!"  
  
"Let me go, Zhuge Liang." She said angrily.  
  
"Oh, I didn't mean it, I swear! I'll throw that stupid strategy away if it means you'll stay! Please, Yue Ying, I wouldn't be able to go on without you." He pleaded. Her expression softened and she shook her head as if telling herself she was going to regret this.  
  
"I can't stay mad at you . . ." She said, her voice warming. Zhuge Liang smiled and breathed a quiet sigh of relief. What he said was true, he probably couldn't have lived without Yue Ying not there. All of a sudden there was a knock on the door. He opened it to find a messenger from Cao Cao's forces.  
  
"A message from Cao Cao." He said, handing him an invitation. Zhuge Liang opened it up and read it quickly.  
  
"He's having a party tonight, he wants you to come." He told Yue Ying.  
  
"Are you sure it's not for you?"  
  
"It's got your name on it," He said handing it to her. "Are you going to go?" She read it over once. She shrugged.  
  
"Only if you guys come along with me." She stated.  
  
"Of course I shall accompany you, my dear." Zhuge Liang assured her. Jiang Wei nodded too. She smiled.  
  
"There'll be a Secret Santa, too, so don't forget to get something. . ." She read off the card.  
  
Zhuge Liang walked over to Jiang Wei and whispered to him as he walked by. "Put it away and we can look over it later."  
  
"Zhuge Liang!"  
  
"W-w-what's wrong, my sweet?" He said cringing. Yue Ying rolled her eyes.  
  
"I'm going out. I'll meet you at the party." She said bitterly, slamming the door. Everything was silent for a few moments.  
  
"I think you made her mad, Prime Minister." Jiang Wei said quietly. Zhuge Liang rubbed his temple and sighed.  
  
"I know. I wish I could do something for her to make her see that I don't want to ignore her, it just sort of . . . happens. I wish we could spend a lot more time together, but I don't want to let my Lord down . . ." Zhuge Liang explained.  
  
"Well, tomorrow is Christmas . . ." Jiang Wei ventured. "Why not get her the perfect gift to make up for it?"  
  
"Excellent, Jiang Wei! I couldn't have thought of a better idea myself!" Zhuge Liang said, perking up. But what to get her . . .  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Sun Ce sat in his room, not daring move from the fire. He knew it would snow soon and there was no way he was getting up. He hated the cold, it made his toes feels numb.  
  
"Da Qiaaaaaaoooo!" He shouted through the door. "Da Qiaaaaaaaaooo!" A few moments later she appeared at the door.  
  
"You called, my Lord?" She asked, still holding onto the door. Sun Ce smiled sheepishly.  
  
"My dearest, darling wife, I love you so much." He said sweetly. Her expression changed.  
  
"Alright, what do you want?" She said plainly.  
  
"There's a blanket on the bed, my love. I'm so very, very cold. Will you please get it for me?" He requested, beaming as sweetly as he knew how. She shook her head scoldingly.  
  
"It's six feet away from you! Why can't you get up yourself?" She asked.  
  
"It's a long six feet away from the fire." He said desperately. She sighed and retrieved the blanket for him. She smiled as she watched him scrambling to wrap it around his body. After a few seconds he gave her a grateful smile. "Thank you so much, Da Qiao! You are the best wife, EVER!" He chorused happily.  
  
"And you are the laziest husband, ever." She joked. "I don't even know why I put up with you." She sat down next to him and leaned her head on his shoulder. "So, what did you get me for Christmas?' She said in an eager, childish sort of way. Sun Ce stomach gave a lurch.  
  
"Uhh . . . I can't tell you, it's a surprise." He said hastily.  
  
"Well, I hope it's something good, to make up for all the stuff I do for you!" She laughed. Sun Ce laughed to, but nervously. Now he would have to go out in the cold to get Da Qiao something, that was . . . If there was something left . . .  
  
Then there was a knock on the door. Sima Yi walked in, holding some cards in his hand.  
  
"This," He said, holding out one of the cards. "Came for Da Qiao." She squealed in delight and took it from Sima Yi. She read it quickly and smiled broadly.  
  
"There's going to be a party tonight! Cao Cao's holding it and there'll be a Secret Santa and all this good stuff. And . . .Oh, what's this? He wants me to cook? Ooh, Sun Ce! We can cook together! Won't that be fun?" She said excitedly. Sun Ce nodded grudgingly. The day he had planned with nothing in mind was turning out to be busier and busier.  
  
"Oh no . . ." Sima Yi said darkly. "What if . . . What if he asked my wife to cook as well?" Sun Ce gulped. He knew what his sister's cooking was like. It was so bad it could kill every last one of them in less than a minute.  
  
"If it does, don't let her see it. If Sun Shang Xiang lays eyes on that, it could be the undoing of us all." Sun Ce said with narrowed eyes.  
  
"Lays eyes on what?" Came a stern voice from behind. Sun Shang Xiang bustled into the room, looking eagerly around for the elusive object. "What're you guys talking about?"  
  
"Nothing, sis, go away." Sun Ce said brashly.  
  
"Oh, you're always so polite, Sun Ce!" She said, viciously punching him in the arm.  
  
"Ow! You little-!" Sun Ce said, grabbing for her hair. She put her palm below his chin and pushed back his head.  
  
"Enough!" Sima Yi said, pulling Sun Shang Xiang off before she could kill Sun Ce.  
  
"It's his fault!" She said, throwing a dirty look at her brother.  
  
"Yes, I know. What did you want?" He asked as Sun Ce narrowed his eyes at Sima Yi.  
  
"I need someone intelligent," She said, putting a belligerent tense on 'intelligent' and staring daggers at Sun Ce. "To come outside and fix the waterwheel, it's stopped running."  
  
"Right away, dear." Sima Yi agreed. He stepped over to Sun Ce and put the cards in his hands. "Give these to Zhou Yu and Zhang He and throw this one. . ." He tapped the one with Sun Shang Xiang's name on it. "Away before she sees it." Sun Ce winked in approval and Sima Yi joined his wife.  
  
"I asked HIM to fix it yesterday, but he broke it even more!" She said, pointing accusingly at Sun Ce. Sima Yi rolled his eyes.  
  
"Guess where we're going tonight?" He said skeptically as the exited. All was silent for a few moments as Sun Ce's stared at the cards in his hands, trying to hold off a little longer from doing anything.  
  
"Going to complete the task?" Said Da Qiao with raised eyebrows.  
  
"B-but I was going to laze around today . . ." Sun Ce said, sounding hurt.  
  
"What do you have to do today besides go to the party and give Zhou Yu and Zhang He their cards?" She asked with her hands on their hips.  
  
"I have to go out to the stupid freezing cold market and get a gift for yo - for that Secret Santa! Hehehehehe!" He covered. She gave him a skeptical look and pushed him out into the hall. Sun Ce walked down the hall and into the main area. Xiao Qiao and Diao Chan were attempting to decorate a Christmas tree while Zhou Yu and Zhang He stood back, looking like ambulance drivers just waiting to pick up a victim.  
  
"Yo! These came for our lovely women!" Sun Ce said, tossing the cards to Zhang He. Xiao Qiao suddenly jumped up, trying to put the star on top, but she missed on the way down and tumbled towards earth. Zhou Yu caught her just in time and she gave him a grateful smile. Diao Chan teetered dangerously as she tried to get down. Zhang He made alert noises and rushed over to catch her.  
  
"Careful, Diao Chan, think of the baby." He said, gesturing to her enlarged abdomen. She had been pregnant for four months now and it was starting to show.  
  
"I'm fine! Just . . . help me down . . ." She said a little faintly. "What came for me?" Sha asked as soon as she was safe back on the ground. They both read their notes and Xiao Qiao was bouncing around merrily, pleading Zhou Yu to take her.  
  
"They want you to sing, Diao Chan." Zhang He said, studying the card.  
  
"No problem, I can do it easily." She said perkily.  
  
"We'd better get going to the market, there are things to buy if we are to participate in this." Zhou Yu stated. Sun Ce smiled. At least his sworn brothers would be with him, it wouldn't be a total loss.  
  
To be continued. . . 


End file.
